THE ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY GREEN HORNET

So, for those who don't know, which is EVERYBODY (if ANYBODY even reads this) I do some freelance writing for the American Comedy Network from time to time. They're cool guys, I interned for them for a few months in '07, and since then they've been kind enough to buy some comedy scripts I've written. They produce the bit and send it off to radio stations for their shows.
Thing is, since it's freelance, many of the scripts I've attempted to sell were passed on, as in they "passed" on purchasing and producing the bit, and at that point I either sell said scripts to another comedy network, or said scripts rot in the bowels of Microsoft Word, never being able to spread their comical wings---So, I'll post a reject here---This is time efficient-

THE ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY GREEN HORNET

SFX: Generic Superhero music

Announcer: The new world has a new type of Superhero! It’s the Environmentally Friendly Green Hornet!

Deep inside the Green Hornet’s secret lair…

Kato: Alright boss, check out the new rockets on your trademark car, the Black Beauty!

SFX: Explosions, rockets shooting from car

Green Hornet: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Kato- is this car green?

Kato: Of course! The color green is in the headlights and…

Green Hornet: (sigh) No Kato, is it Green? Environmentally friendly? Does it run on hydrogen fuel cells to spare the world of excess pollution?

Kato: No, it runs on Diesel…

Green Hornet: Kato! I won’t even ask you what your Carbon Footprint is! We’re the good guys here, remember? We can’t pollute the air with this mobile!

Kato: Then how will we fight crime?

Green Hornet: Well, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. Fighting is just negative isn’t it? It puts bad energy into the earth!

Kato: But the Killer Bee Man is on the loose!

Green Hornet: First of all, it’s Killer Bee Person. And second of all, we are certainly not going to harm any bees, no way!

Kato: We have to do something!

Green Hornet: Ok, ok, we’ll go have a gluten free picnic with the Killer Bee Person. That’ll settle things.

Kato: And what about the evil Tree Man…I mean, Tree Person?

Green Hornet: Simple! We’ll give him a hug! But first… we must take out the recycling.

Announcer: The Environmentally Friendly Green Hornet, driving a fuel efficient vehicle to a solar powered movie screen fashioned out of hemp, near you!

Great New Music.

THE WHIGS.
http://www.myspace.com/thewhigs

Hailing from Athens, Georgia, The Whigs are a three piece rock and roll carnival ride that you can’t ride once. Mixing soaring guitar riffs, dirty garage rock and foot tapping melodies, The Whigs will sooth your sweet tooth and have you begging for more. With their new album “In The Dark” on Dave Matthew’s ATO Records, and an upcoming appearance on David Letterman, The Whigs will consistently be in your living rooms, stereos and in your head. Hanging out in your garage will never be the same again.


SIMILAR ARTISTS – Television, The Strokes, The Killers.


SPEECH DEBELLE.
http://www.myspace.com/speechdebellemusic

The UK’s Speech Debelle is a unique poet. Her infectious hip hop vocals mixed with a funky drumbeat bring you a sound that you’d find in a coffee shop on steroids. Speech Debelle’s sound ranges from rap to reggae to rhythm and blues and uses real instruments including horns, acoustic guitars and a drum kit to back up her honest message. This is no Gangster rap, just pure hip hop from the soul.


SIMILAR ARTISTS – The Streets, Amanda Blank, Roots Manuva



GIRLS.
http://www.myspace.com/girls

San Francisco’s GIRLS take the sounds of 60’s rock and play them through a wall of reverb, distortion and heartache. If you froze Brian Wilson and The Beach Boys and de thawed them in 2010 you may have something similar. While some of their guitar sounds are cleaner than after school programming, they can also render them dirtier than late night on Cinemax. Like the Stray Cats on downers, the group is surfy, spacey and catchy. Girls are who you want to bring home to mother.


SIMILAR ARTISTS – The Beach Boys, The Zombies, Elvis Costello

THE GREATEST CHRISTMAS ALBUMS OF ALL TIME

THE GREATEST CHRISTMAS ALBUMS OF ALL TIME


“What are they?” is what you are asking yourself, on the edge your seat with your eyes bulging out of your head, drool dripping down your double chin, as you await the answer to the mysterious question: what are THE GREATEST CHRISTMAS ALBUMS OF ALL TIME?
Well, I will tell you. It’s really common knowledge, and I know you know already, but I’ll humor ya. The GREATEST CHRISTMAS ALBUMS OF ALL TIME are as follows-

1. IT’S A RED PETERS CHRISTMAS, VOLUME. 1
RED PETERS CHRISTMAS
This one of a kind, flat out funny album was compiled by the man, the myth, the legend himself, Boston’s Ball Busting, Lounge Singing, Dick Swinging RED PETERS. This genius songwriter gained notoriety years back on the greatest radio show of all time, THE HOWARD STERN SHOW. I remember watching a video on The Stern Show of “Ballad Of a Dog Named Stains.” If you haven’t seen the video or heard it, do it. It’s a classic.
Mr. Peters is all over Sirius XM this month, with his annual holiday show, Monday, December 21 and Wednesday December 23 at 7pm ET on Howard 101, and promoting his first ever Christmas Compilation. And guess what? Red was nice enough to put my classic song “Herpes Infected Christmas Elf” on the 18 track record. He’ll be on Stern tomorrow, December 17th 2009 at 7 Am, playing a snatch of my tune and others for Howard and the gang. Other smash hits on the record are the legendary Tiny Tim singing “Santa Claus Has Got the AIDS This Year” and Red doing “Holy Shit! It’s Christmas!”
So there it is, the first GREATEST CHRISTMAS ALBUM OF ALL TIME. I spoke with Red on the phone yesterday and we both agree that you will never get another album like this. Throw this on at your holiday party and actually have a laugh. And while you’re laughing till your kidneys are sore, stumble over and put on the next GREATEST CHRISTMAS ALBUM OF ALL TIME.
2. ZOMBIE CHRISTMAS RECORD
ZOMBIE CHRISTMAS
Also being known as Zombie Christmas Record 2009, this record is killer. And guess what? I was nice enough to put myself on it. That’s right, the guy who put up my website, poochradio.com POOCH RADIO, has heard a bunch of song parodies I’ve written for the Stern show and asked me to take a stab at this- A Zombie Christmas Record. I originally was going to write the lyrics and sing them lounge style over music beds. Thankfully, I couldn’t get the rights to any beds, so I was forced to record every note of the tunes on my guitars. I shit you not, this record came out great. 13 tracks broken up into chapters, taking you on a Christmas hellride that is overrun by Zombie Scum. The buzz saw guitars drag you through parodies of Jingle Bells (Dismal Hell) and Joy to the World (Death to the World) with insane lyrics and the Zombie Choir doing back ups.


So you can contact me here or at my website
POOCH RADIO, and thank me for making your Christmas phenomenal. Really, it’s no big deal. The pleasure is all yours.